Hello and welcome, to a Cornucopia of Random crap, where I'll be writing about the crazy, random garbage that seems to permeate mine and my family's lives.
We'll start with a little about me:
My name is inconsequential, but for the purpose of this blog, we'll call me Grey (because even though my life seems to be filled with absolute nonsense most of the time, I myself am a rather bland and boring human being).
I have 6 pets. Yes, you read that right, 6. 3 dogs and 3 cats. I used to have 7, but one of my dogs passed away last April. (I only mention this because she may or may not be mentioned here at some point.)
I am sarcastic and cynical, with a short temper and a long memory. I do what I want, and screw anyone that tries to tell me otherwise.
Or, at least, that's what I tell myself.
I lie to myself like that a lot, I feel. I sometimes wonder if I think it's fun. Like it's some sort of game I can win if just try hard enough.
The biggest thing I lie to myself about is that, someday, I will finally grow up and figure out what I want to do with my life.
Truth is, I don't want to grow up. Change scares the fuck out of me. So much so that I can't even move a damn lamp in my bedroom without having a panic attack. (No, I'm not kidding. I spent the entire night sobbing like my dog had just died and moving it between two locations: It's original one on a shelf, and it's new one by my bedside.) So you can imagine what the idea of becoming a functioning member of society does to me.
I also don't really want to do anything with my life. I want nothing more than to be a lone, angry, little grump in the corner of happiness that is my computer, but that's not how life works. So, I lie to myself in an attempt to force myself to do that things I hate.
I understand that one has to work and be an adult, and do adult things to buy games and pay for doggy needs. These things are very important to me, very important indeed.
And so I get up every morning, promise myself that I will have a great day at school (lie), that I will eat a good breakfast, lunch, and dinner (lie), that I will do something other than sit on my computer playing online games all night (lie), and that today will be the day that the skies open up and I find a way to make all my dreams come true (super mega lie). And if I believe all these things, I win the game.
Lying to oneself is never lucrative and, as you may have already guessed, none of these things ever happen. But, it gets me through the day, and when I come home I flop down in my chair, I pat myself on the back because I won the game dammit.
See, winning isn't about having my lies become truths. It's about forcing myself to do the things I know I need to do to be a functioning person. If I can do that, at least I've accomplished something.
I didn't have a GREAT day at school, but I got through all my classes without much trouble and talked to a couple nice classmates.
I didn't eat GOOD meals, but I did have all 3. And look! I had oatmeal for breakfast instead of cookies! Good job me!
I was still a lazy little nerd and God didn't descend from the heavens to grant me a million dollars, but there's always tomorrow!
I don't really move forward, but at least I don't move back. And, at least in my mind, that counts for something.
So welcome to a Cornucopia of Random Crap.
We hope you'll enjoy your stay.
